susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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