I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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