He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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