So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
