If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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