Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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