3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
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It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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