someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
