Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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