You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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