Can i not drive my cunt home
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
