too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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