Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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