so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
