What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
