So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
