Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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