Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
40s are totally the cure
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
