is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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