Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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