Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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