when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
