I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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