what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
