last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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