I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
