So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
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When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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