You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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