The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
