did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
