it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
