can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
