before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
zippers are such a cool invention
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
