eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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