Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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