I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize