Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
