Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
