I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
