Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You took a bar mat shot.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
