There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
