If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
