the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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