you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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