Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And then the night went full on bisexual.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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