i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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