and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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