I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
