I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
