i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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