Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
