I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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