I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
