i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
