I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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