Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
50% drunk capacity currently
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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