I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
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The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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