the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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