he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
