I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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