You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
