Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
