I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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