Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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