Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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