that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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